


The Sinner's Confessional

by timahina



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! ARC-V
Genre: Age Difference, Catholic Guilt, Catholic School, Church Sex, Confessional Sex, Demon Sex, F/M, Priest Kink, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 01:42:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 17,770
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23127220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/timahina/pseuds/timahina
Summary: The good Father Zarc had lust in his heart for his young student and he did well to keep his feelings at bay and his mind clear. Until she made her way to the confessional and awoken a desire buried deep.
Relationships: Akaba Ray/Zarc
Comments: 39
Kudos: 37





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, don't ask. Please don't. I am so begging. Just... we all horny here.  
> Shoutout to Mandy and Sai for encouraging me in this thirsty endeavor. To Rose, ahahahaha congrats. To Desi, who inspired me to finish this piece.

“Bless me Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was two weeks ago, I think. I guess this is a… mortal sin? Maybe? Am I really going to hell for masturbating because of Ray Akaba?”

Being a priest was difficult. And so was being surrounded by teenagers plagued with puberty and immoral thoughts. But being a teacher at a private Catholic school meant to guide these young souls and keep their minds and hearts pure through turbulent times had taken quite the toll on Father Zarc. Every day was a test of his faith and compassion. To see how strong his resolve was to save these students from the sins of the world. Ray Akaba was one of the bright spots, a devout child whose bright light outshined her peers, who gave him hope. And hearing a confession about her caused him to bite his lip, he nearly bled. “No, you aren’t going to hell.”

But he was certain he wanted to damn him to such a fate. The beginning of a headache dulled in his temple. These were trying times indeed.

“Oh, good.” The student sighed. The relief heavy in his voice. “I was worried because ya know, sin of lust and shit – oh shit, uh... sorry, Father.”

Zarc mustered the smallest smile; even with the fear of hellfire for sexual deviance loomed over him, the boy had time to worry and retract his foul language. His student was amusing at times – he was still just a child. “No, you recognize it’s wrong and you’ve come forward to cleanse your soul. You are doing well, my son.” He tried to console him and the shaky figure of the boy on the opposite side of the grate seemed to still. “We are only human.”

“Good, good. And really, she’s kinda to blame too.”

Zarc raised a brow, his curiosity had been piqued. “Oh? Has she encouraged your behavior?” The idea, the mere thought that Ray Akaba and this student were engaging in sexual acts caused him to clench his fist. He was grateful his hand was unseen from the angle of the grate lest his annoyance – anger, perhaps, be mistaken for something else. “As this is confession, I can’t repeat what you tell me, merely guide you. However, as a teacher, I cannot overlook students fornicating in-”

“No!” The student frantically stopped him, waving his hands as his voice echoed. “No, not like that. I wouldn’t be jerking off to her if I actually had the opportunity to, _ya know_.” There was a solace there, but it did little to calm the growing ire in his heart. There was still opportunity for such thoughts to turn to reality, as he just admitted. He and Ray Akaba had numerous opportunities to meet, and it would only take one slip up. But she was a good girl and this boy apologized for cussing, he had no intent to act on them. Even if they remained as thoughts at the forefront of this boy’s mind, Zarc still had to hear them.

His headache worsened.

“I mean… you gotta know what I mean, you’ve seen how she is in class. She’s always licking her lips and biting her finger and whatnot. I sit next to her, it’s hard to focus. That’s why my grades aren’t so amazing.”

Yes, he knew his grades. And they did suffer but they suffered no more or less before he put him next to Ray Akaba who was supposed to act as a guiding influence for him. It worked to a degree, not to the effect he hoped. However, a kernel of truth existed in those words. She was a distracting student. Father Zarc saw how many of the other boys in class would stare at her as she bit her knuckle in a nervous fidget. Or how she’d fiddle with the ends of her curls. Or during the hot summer days when she’d take off her blazer and everyone was made aware of how… Zarc coughed. Her grades never suffered. “Temptation is everywhere, my son. But it is rising above our desires of the flesh that make us stronger and closer to Him. You must be the one to refuse and giving into such thoughts and… masturbating, is a sin. Whether it be her fault or otherwise, the burden is upon you.”

“I know, but-”

“No buts. Next time you think of her in a sexual manner, think about Jesus.”

“That’s such a mood killer.”

“Please don’t refer to our Lord as a mood-killer. And remember, the bible tells us of a situation like yours and the correct course of action. Anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” He almost snickered at hearing the dissatisfied click of a tongue his student made. “That’s Matthew 5:28. But I cannot ask you to pluck your eyes hence I must be less creative. For penance, I want you to find that passage and copy it one hundred times by hand to deliver on my desk in the next hour. I believe the memory of the hand cramp will be more of a… ‘mood killer’, as you put it.”

A long pause followed by a sigh. “Ok, Father, thanks.” He could see that wasn’t the answer he was looking for. He was hoping he’d be absolved, that it was Ray Akaba who was to blame. That she was too pretty of a girl to be around and surely, she was the problem. That’s what he wanted him to say.

The student said an act of contrition. His tone riddled with guilt and anger – empty words spewed from him. The Father said a prayer of absolution, his eyes closed as the answer was so clear in his mind why it was difficult for this student to accept that Ray wasn’t at fault for how he felt.

“Amen.”

“God has forgiven your sins. Go in peace.”

There was sympathy for this student. In his heart, Zarc knew what it was to look at Ray Akaba and feel that urge. A battle he fought daily from the moment she walked into his classroom and knocked over a desk clumsily. The loud clatter as her cheeks reddened to a furious blush and all he could do was laugh. The touch of her soft hand grasped against his calloused skin as he helped her up etched in his memory. From then on, he couldn’t help but notice how the boys would stare at her and what thoughts they pursued. And he knew because they were the same as his thoughts as he stared the same way. She was a vision, the very definition of temptation that the Devil had sent forth to test him and boil his blood.

And this student had to remind him of such thoughts. Worse yet, this wasn’t even the first one to come in and say such things about her. She did not know how pretty she was or the kinds of thoughts she inspired. She was diligent in her studies and always with a smile. He had never seen her falter. No, she was a pure child – a good student. He could not find it in himself to blame her for his own weakness. And he told himself so every day, this was his weakness. His ailment that he needed God’s guidance to give him strength to overcome.

He pushed up his hand into his silver hair, digging his fingers into his scalp at the incoming headache while his other hand took out the rosary buried in his pocket. He should’ve doubled the passage amount for that boy – a hand cramp was not enough to push back such penetrating desires and he knew.

\---

The echo of her footsteps was worse today than any other day along the empty nave. Each step closer to the sanctuary, the more the figure of Mary loomed over her. She could sink into the floor under the stare of the saints. Her heart heavy with the weight of the guilt her thoughts has accumulated. The urge to run away and dunk her head into the holy water was strong – that would purge her.

_No!_

No, she had to remain adamant. Ray needed to speak and seek forgiveness otherwise there would come a day where she would burn walking down the pews. Her feet reached the alter and the steely eyes of the saints in the glass made her drop to her knees and weep – had she been that fearful and ashamed? Occupied or otherwise, the dark and empty church was still holy ground. Her heart would unburden itself in such a place. Ray raised her hand, performing the sign of the cross before folding her hands together, saying a prayer under her breath and there was much to pray for.

She prayed her father maintained his good health and a good relationship with her stepmother.

She prayed her siblings did well in their studies and made many friends.

She prayed that each selfless thought she had and each selfless act she committed would outweigh the sins committed in her heart and she would not be judged for her weakness. What Ray needed was divine intervention of her Heavenly Father, a sign that He would help her through her trial.

“Ray?” She froze and her eyes snapped open.

That was not the sign she wanted or needed. But of course, she deserved that. She needed to be confronted for her sinful heart and God knew how to strike. With a sigh, Ray mumbled amen and stood up on shaky legs. She was afraid to turn around. There was no escaping an interrogation and punishment - possibly suspension and a phone call to her parents. She had never been in trouble before; teachers regarded her as a model student. To see their gaze change after seeing her out late, to no longer be shown as the shining light of virtue among her peers but instead just another one of the rabble…

This was her punishment, she deserved it. Ray turned at last, expecting to see his judgmental expression. To hear the lecture that would destroy her. But rather, her fears subsided as she saw an inquisitive expression rather than anger. She gasped at who caught her and she wished she prayed for the cross to fall on her and break her head open – maybe she’d reach sainthood.

The curiosity of the Priest who caught her in the middle of the aisle change to worry. “My child… is something wrong?”

Her face was an open book and she could not hide the anguish in her eyes. And she was horrified by the realization. Ray tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear and kept her head down. Maybe she could fake it, all the teachers in school trusted her judgement and good will. Perhaps she can skate by on playing innocent. “Um… nothing, Father Zarc, I was just… saying a prayer. Lighting a candle and all.”

“At this late hour?” His voice was full of amusement. He folded his hands in front of him, a wooden rosary dangling on his wrist as a book pressed against his thigh. Ray blushed, her fingers fumbling in front of her. “The nuns roam the halls; I’m surprised you risked their wrath to come all the way out here. Either you’ve been praying for a while and lost track of time, or,” he sat down upon a pew and patted the spot next to him, urging her to sit. “You must be desperate.”

The good Father Zarc would notice that. Even being a young priest, he was adept to see the ailing spirits of the students around him. But surely, he could not help her with this problem that weighed heavily on her mind. It was hard to resist his friendly face and those bright golden eyes. Of all the teachers, he was her favorite. And of all the priests, he was the last one she wanted to talk to. Ray took a step back. “It’s just… I… I don’t know how to really um, say this. I-I can’t, Father, I need to go.”

“Ray, wait.” He called out to her and she saw, for a moment, how he held his hand up, as though to grab her and pull her back. But instead, it was the clatter of the brown rosary beads wrapped around his wrist against the pew as he stood up. “If you need to talk… openly and honestly, my door is open for you.”

He was sincere and she was drawn in – it was difficult not to be as he laid a comforting hand on her shoulder and squeezed. Ray flinched slightly and her cheeks reddened. “T-Thank you. Actually… I really came down here to make a confession, help me sleep without this heavy burden.” It was well past the appropriate hours to speak to a priest. And she knew he’d turn her away, order her to go back to bed and come back tomorrow with a clear mind and a rested body.

He shook his head. “Confession is usually reserved before curfew.”

“Oh, darn.” She feigned disappointment at how well this fell into place. “I guess I’ll just forget it and-”

Zarc didn’t give her much of a chance, not as he placed his gentle hand upon her shoulder and guided her to the pew. And she found herself sitting beside him, shaking. “This can be off the record though. We’re allowed that every now and then. Unburden your mind, I’m here.”

Her nostrils flared – it would be too much to ask if there was someone else, literally anybody else she could speak to about what weighed so heavily in her mind. She had no one to blame but herself now. Perhaps, if her legs listened to her screaming mind, she would’ve taken this opportunity to run away back to her room and never look back.

But alas.

Ray found herself transfixed to her seat. The silence engulfing her and the eyes of long dead saints bearing down upon them. “… why are you here, Father? I mean… it _is_ past curfew. You’re supposed to follow the rules you’re enforcing.”

His eyes widened – he never heard her backtalk before! For a moment, he had forgotten this was a student in need and he was to console her as was struck with a desire to stroke her hair. Her checks. To follow the trail of her tears down her cheeks and neck with his fingers. To dare to think, even his lips.

Father Zarc bit his lip as he unwrapped the rosary around his wrist. His fingers desperately clutching onto the wooden cross, praying such salvation would grace him in this trying hour. “The same reason as you, I suppose.” He eyed her and saw how her gaze was fixated on her lap; her hands were folded in a nervous fidget. “And your reason is…?”

“… I don’t want to tie up your time with my petty problems.”

 _She’s too pure_ , Father Zarc thought, hiding a chuckle.

“You’re alright.” His voice was soft and amused. A fleeting thought passed through him; a moment where they were not in a church. Where the eyes of the holy saints and the virgin mother and their savior could not find them. Where the devil wasn’t threatening his soul and whispering in his ear all so he could reach over and pat her head. And linger, feel her soft hair and her sigh of contentment, her eyes slowly close as she slid against him… His fist clenched and the cross dug into his palm; this was not the time to indulge in such thoughts. “Tell me.”

Her leg bounced rapidly, and the squeak of her shoes echoed along the high ceilings. “I… made my ex-roommate really mad after I reported her for inappropriate behavior.”

The laugh he tried to hide surfaced from sheer disbelief. “… Ray, that’s not really a sin.” _Much too pure_ , he thought. “Though I find it commendable that you worry so much about maintaining good relations with your friends, she must take responsibility for her own actions and accept the consequences as they are.”

She shook her head. “I know, Father. And I have no qualms about that. But it’s the reason I reported her that’s lingered and I… I can barely _think_ of anything else.” Her voice cracked and she barely spoke her words without breaking out into a sob. His heart ached and so badly once more, he prayed for God himself to erect a wall between them. But instead, he stayed silent and waited for her to gather herself. To wipe away the tears with the wrinkled tissue hidden in her delicate hands. “She… she had um, dirty pictures and stuff.”

He wanted her to elaborate and the blush on her cheeks worsened as he opened his mouth. “Dirty?” He tilted his head to the side, and she averted her gaze further. She couldn’t look at him nor the art on the walls or even above at the altar.

“… _dirty_ , Father Zarc.”

The way her hands continued to fidget, horribly so to the point where she clasped them between her thighs; her legs were shaking, and her skin had turned a scorching pink. From the tips of her ears to the nape of her neck down to the knees and along her calves and ankles. He wondered what could cause such a revulsion – a sight that looked almost shameful. And where she stuck her hands to keep them still, he was certain there was also red, her entire body flushed. Just like-!

Zarc inhaled sharply through his nose and was ashamed of himself for how long it took him to understand what she meant by ‘dirty’. He had heard such graphic confessions of all sorts from so many students that he genuinely forgot what an innocent mind could speak. “Dirty.” He chuckled – surely now, the rosary dug so deep into his palm that he would bleed. “It must’ve disturbed you greatly.” Images of naked men and women, their limbs entangled with ecstasy in their eyes and sin in their veins – Ray was pure. Sex was reserved for her husband and the marital bed, to procreate. And if she could see the thoughts in his heart, to know how he wanted her and saw her, she would recoil from his presence in sheer disgust.

For her to be reviled at a few images… Zarc wondered how sheltered this child was. Or how perverse the roommate’s habits were. A rogue image of Ray finding her roommate’s porn and struggling between disgust and desire and if her thighs shook then too. If she stuck her hand between her legs in a less… innocent way. “It did, Father. But-” His heart raced and hammered so hard, he felt it lunge into his throat. _But_ \- there was more to this story? There were more to her troubled thoughts and agony that required her to kneel before Christ?

“But?”

Was this something he wanted to hear?

She bit her lip harshly and he was certain if she could, she’d bite her tongue. And if she didn’t say something soon, Ray would bite through her bottom lip and bleed on the carpet. The tug of war was blatant on her face and he didn’t know which route for her to take, even if his worry was sending his rationale away and he moved closer to her. His arm draped behind her on the pew and she immediately straightened up. “It… it made me… want to-” She sunk lower till she fell to the floor in a sobbing wreck.

Every hair on the back of his neck stood up and his breath escaped him. She wasn’t feeling disgust at being exposed to sex and unbridled desire. No, she was curious. More than curious. She wanted to shed the pure light around her and cave into her lustful feelings. Had she already experienced such a touch? Maybe she did and that’s why… He didn’t dare entertain the thought further. Either path led her seeking counsel in the house of God from the guilt that consumed her.

And what was he to do when the object of his desires – of his unholy thoughts was crying on her knees begging for such counsel? God was testing him and the weakness in his heart.

“Ray,” Zarc dropped to his knees and his shaking hands gripped her shoulders harshly. It was rough, needing to ground her and the most he could allow himself. And his hands held firm, the cross digging between his palm and her shoulder as he pulled her closer, to hug her. He needed to console her. “If there’s something you’ve done, whoever with, you need to-”

In a flash, that’s what it was. A blink of an eye and Ray had pushed him away. Her most trusted teacher and devout priest and she stretched out her hands against his chest and pushed him so ruthlessly that he fell backwards. And all he could do was watch her stand and run away. Her guilt was much too strong, and her sobs echoed in his ears long after she was gone.

\---

He hoped for a free period to catch up on papers and maybe a leisurely nap or perhaps a walk around the grounds to the cathedral to clear his mind. After last night, he deserved that. But alas, Father Zarc was needed for confession at this hour as another priest found himself unavailable. He would’ve liked to refuse and had he been a more selfish man, he would’ve and used the welfare of his students and academia as his excuse.

_“… **dirty** , Father Zarc.” _

He turned his palm over and the faint indentation of the cross was etched into his skin. It was still so fresh in his mind and now, a reminder. After last night, he deserved this. His repentance for thinking of her, for the indecent and salacious thoughts that plagued his mind. That continued to taunt him well after that encounter and now worsened after a night of no sleep – how could he when she was all he could think of? A feeling compounded by confessions from the students. And there had been quite a range of them within the past hour.

There had been some that wanted to gossip, to rant, express their violent thoughts aloud, and others who just wanted to talk. The latter had been the most trying on his nerves today. Zarc buried his face in his hands as he heard another come in – it was nearly over and whoever this was would be the last confession for the day before he holed himself up in his office and retired for the evening. A rested mind and body were best, and he was useless running on empty. Zarc couldn’t even sit up properly and have the shadows of the grate his face, but instead rested back. This poor student would get the rambles of a tired man, maybe he would just turn them away and sleep.

“In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.” His heart raced – _no_ , not now! Not her! “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. My last confession was… well, it’s been a while, perhaps a month? No wait, three months. It was about my brother.”

The light of his day! Oh, he missed her. Suddenly, he felt his strength return and his mind slowly ease. Zarc could never turn her away. Her presence was a soothing balm on his aching soul.

“Actually, I lied. I technically had a confession last night, but it was… off the record. Father Zarc said that was ok, but I just… I tried talking about it with him but he’s the worst person right now. I can’t be open with him.”

He loved hearing his name on her lips. But whatever euphoria felt from that small moment disappeared. The way his heart immediately crumbled as he absorbed her words. The relief he felt by her arrival was gone and in its place was an anxious state of fear he had not known.

She never said anything about disliking him nor had she acted distant before. Ray was a happy girl, always willing to help and a blessed student in his class. And she called him the worst. She turned him away so quickly. It hadn’t even been a full day yet! His mind raced faster than he could control - what had he done? What did he say? Did she know?

He gulped. “Ah,” Zarc coughed for a moment, hoping to irritate his throat and alter his voice, “did something happen?” A rasp, a lump stuck in his throat – anything was better than her recognizing him and running from him as she did before. He wanted to help her, now more than ever as she didn’t want it.

But _why_?

She chewed on her bottom lip and Zarc watched her through the grate; she was squirming again. He didn’t see her hands – he wondered if she had them between her thighs again.

 _No,_ not here. This was the confessional – he was meant to keep a clear mind and a pure heart. How could he absolve sinners in such a state? He needed to stay pure in mind, for her. “I told him about my roommate and how I found her secret porn stash.” The roommate, right. Zarc needed to remind himself later to recommend severe punishment for her. That was the cause of Ray feeling so distraught and disgusted. But he wanted to know the whole story. What was she hiding?

“Go on, my child.”

“Before I turned it all in, I kept one. And I’ve been… having thoughts about it.” Zarc leaned his head back against the wood and shut his eyes – his hand gripped tightly to the rosary in his sweaty fist as his blood boiled. This was hardest confession of his life thus far and his head ached with the knowledge that it was bound to get worse. “I keep picturing myself and this… guy that I like… a lot, embracing like lovers. Like in the picture...”

Her voice had turned soft and quiet – he hardly heard her. And he wished he hadn’t. He prayed so hard to forget these last few moments, for God to strike him down and cease the pounding in his head and the shattering of his heart. Ray wanted someone else. There was some student on campus lucky enough to have her affections and be the object of her lust.

Lust. Dear God, she _wanted_ this mystery boy. It wasn’t an innocent schoolgirl crush. Was she up at night thinking of him, tossing and turning? Did she imagine his hands running along her body – squeezing her breasts and making her cry out, losing her virginity and herself in the throes of passion? His jaw tightened. “I see.” He’d recommend expulsion for this roommate. She was to blame for Ray’s distress. For the thoughts taking her over. “You’ve committed adultery with another student.”

“No!” She exclaimed. Her reaction was so quick, snapping her head up and her pigtail hit the metal grate between them. “I haven’t done anything, that’s half of why I’m here. I want to, I _badly_ want to.”

Why wouldn’t she tell him this the other night? What did it matter _when_ his heart broke – the pain was still the same. “You don’t want to be absolved; you want to be validated for your desires.”

“No, Father, please, I don’t. I really don’t. See, he’s an older man-”

“Older?!” He only saw how she nodded and the tears glistening in her eyes. God had put her on this earth to test him and in this confessional to torture him. All the good he had done, the mistakes he made, the piety he felt – all of them had led to this weight on his soul. His heart squeezed so much it was fit to burst. Zarc didn’t know how much more he could take.

She leaned her head against the grate and sighed heavily. “He’s actually a teacher here, a priest even. It’s impossible no matter what.”

He wanted to die.

He wanted to crumble.

He wanted to forget ever knowing her. For his heart to shrivel up at last. It was worse – a peer of _his_ was in her sights. Was it the priest he replaced for this hour? That’s why she wouldn’t say any of this to him, it was ‘off the record’. He would report her. He’d have an intervention with her. He’d… he… there were thoughts buried deep inside that he didn’t dare feed or give life. And he would not, even under this threat.

Zarc exhaled slowly and regained his grip on the rosary.

“Why couldn’t you tell this… to Fath-” He choked back as the words died in his throat. How could he help her at this stage? Say her sins are forgiven and maybe move her out of that teacher’s class? How was he to talk to a colleague about this without having everything written in his face so plainly? Why did she have to ruin everything? "-to Father Zarc?" Why did he feel…

She reached her hand up, tracing a pattern along the wood with her nail. The tears in her eyes finally fell as her nails scrapped against the wood as though holding one final piece of herself together before it all crumbled in this tiny box. “Because, he’d hate me and that I think this… about him, us.”

His mind snapped into focus, his jaw unclenched and the rosary dropped to the ground from his hand in a soft clatter.

_Ray… wants me._

His broken heart mended. His shattered soul repaired. The pounding in his head that threaten to rip him in two calmed to a chant, a single reoccurring thought that he etched into heated blood.

_She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants ME. She wants me. She wants me. ShE wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants **me**. She wants me. She waNTs me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wAnts me. She WANTS me. She wants me. SHE wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants mE. She **wants** me. She wants me. She wants me. She **wants** me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me.  
She wants me. She wants me. She wAnTs me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She WantS me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. ShE wants me.  
She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. **She** wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. She wants me. Shewantsme. Shewantsme. Shewantsmeshewantsmeshewantsmeshewantsmeshe **wantsmeshewantsmeshewantsmeshewantsmeshewantsmeshewantsme  
She wants me. She wants me.  
SHE WANTS ME!**_

_**** _

Zarc felt a haze come over his eyes and yet grasped a clarity that he had not known in years. But he knew this feeling, he had felt it once before in his youth. And today, it spread through him like wildfire with only the thought of Ray.

There was nothing, not one solitary desire in his mind toward her that was unwanted. She wanted him and who… who was he, to deny her? She was, after all, a good girl who had come to him in her hour of need with tears in eyes and an open heart.

He leaned his head against the grate, his breathing shallow. Her hands were clasped together on her lap, his hands were gathering up his robe to his waist. Her fingers nervously wringing at her knuckles, his fingers undoing his belt.

“Tell me your sins, Ray.” The teeth of his zipper echoed, and he heard her nostrils flare, her soft gasp. Did she hear? **_Does it matter?_** “What do you imagine?”

She squirmed. “It’s embarrassing, Father. Please, I…”

“How can you be absolved of your sins if I do not know them? Confess, Ray. And be saved from hellfire.”

Zarc watched her chew on her bottom lip, contemplating, struggling. Her cheeks were pink – she was shy. A sight no one had seen, and no one would, this was solely for him. She was thinking about him. “I think of going into his office after hours and… we’re alone. I ask him to love me, to bless me, to… touch me.”

His cock twitched.

**_More._ **

“He kisses me at first, it’d be my first kiss.”

Zarc pressed his lips firmly together and furrowed his brows as felt his cock slowly rise, growing hot against his hand. A sensation nearly forgotten that he fought every day, but not today. Not now, not with her.

“Does he touch you?”

“… yes.”

“Does he undress you?”

She nodded with a whine.

Zarc stroked himself slowly, teasingly, and winced from a rush of pleasure flooding his senses. He wanted this to be her hand, her mouth on him, her naïve fingers giving him pleasure. To beg him, _god_ , he wanted to hear her beg. “H-How do you feel – when he… he touches you?”

“Father, I-” The confessional was stifling with his heat, his short breaths but she was… she was reacting too. He could see it, hear the shuffling of her clothes, the rubbing of her thighs – her own heat mingling with his. “I’m always hot and... my panties drenched.”

“Do you touch him? With your hands? Mouth?” He wanted knowledge of all her fantasies, her desires and wishes.

She sobbed. “Yes – I want to.”

“And when you’re full of his cock?”

She gasped and he heard it, faint and quick but it existed. The way her breath hitched and her back arched – she wanted to touch herself, _was_ she touching herself?

How he wanted to break the grate, to pull her to his side and have her straddle him. To watch her sink down and for his cock to disappear inside her and feel a wet heat around him. To feel a bliss that God himself could not provide. Ray would cry and beg for him to be gentle, perhaps he’d comply – it was her first time. He’d bite her skin, leave his mark upon her so all would know she was his. Her nails would rake across his skin the way she scratched on the wood.

His strokes were faster, and his hand tighter. Zarc was certain she could hear but his blood pounded in his ears; all he heard was Ray and her gasps. “Do you beg, Ray?” He practically growled her name, clenching his teeth together.

“I beg… _ah,_ for him to touch me. To have me… to… to _fuck_ me!”

She wanted him, she pursued him, she was begging for him. How else was he to respond? Even as she hid her face in her hands and her sobs ravaged her body, his only thoughts were ravaging her. His hand went faster and his hips thrust forward.

_She wants me._

**_She wants me._ **

_She wants… **!**_

An open mouth gasp as his eyes snapped shut and an ecstasy he nearly forgotten ransacked his body. The world halting in a white haze as his cum squirting on his hand, spilling on his robe and dripping down to the ground where the rosary had been carelessly tossed.

His short breaths overtook the confessional, sweat clinging to his back and his forehead, praying to see Ray in the same thralls. She was a lost child, needing guidance.

**_She… needs me._ **

_She needs me._

He heard her nails scrape against the grate and in his blurry vision, he couldn’t tell if those fingers of hers were wet. And if so, did they glisten with her tears or…? “Father, what should I do?”

**_Don’t let her go._ **

**_Don’t let her go._ **

**_Don’t let her go!_ **

**_DON’T LET HER GO!_ **

The voice in his head repeated, again and again with haste. Urgency, desperation even. The voice was not his own and yet was. The words that came from his mouth were not his own, the prayer he said was not one he said. The advice was not becoming of a priest, a man of the cloth. And the world blurred away, the only clear vision was of Ray.

Ray Akaba and her shining holy light with a black speck that was not there before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Art by [Desireeu](https://desireeu.tumblr.com/)


	2. Chapter 2

Zarc was in his office in the early morning, a red pen laded in his grip and correcting papers into a semi-worked pile. He’d gotten an early start, as he did most mornings. However, this different from others since he did not remember waking up, getting dressed – walking into his office. He didn’t even remember when he went to bed. Logically, clearly so, he must’ve done all those things to get to his office and working. But how did he get there?

He put the pen down and pushed aside the pile of papers. That wasn’t important now – there were other matters. Like trying to recall what the last viable memory he had was and why he didn’t remember the last day.

No, there was something he remembered.

Zarc remembered the confessional. He was filling in and providing comfort to the souls of his troubled students. A task he endeavored while running on minimal sleep and a terrible headache threatened to destroy him due to Ray Akaba and-!

_Ray!_

He pushed himself back from the desk, staring at his hands once more. The deep impression the cross of his rosary made faded away from his palm but that same rosary he normally had wrapped around his wrist was absent which was ridiculous because he always wore it. On the first day of his vows, he never took that off – it was far too precious to lose. Maybe he dropped it in the confessional?

Maybe a janitor picked it up?

He shook his head, what else happened?

Ray.

Ray, right.

Ray was there.

He didn’t give her his rosary; he was taking her confession. Yes, her shameful confession that she couldn’t entrust to him in the dead of night but was ready to blurt in the seal of safety. Where she… she said…

_“Because, he’d hate me and that I think this… about him, us.”_

There wasn’t a mirror in his office, and he counted his blessings. The heat on his face that suffocated him, that tightened his collar, that spread through his body like wildfire was a bad enough ordeal to feel. But to see such an embarrassment clear as day… he’d never face himself, never recognize who stared back at him. But there was a fact he didn’t want to face in the mirror either.

The horror that was surely in his eyes reflected in a never-ending path as he did not remember anything she said or did after that confession. And more importantly, what _he_ said and did after hearing that. Zarc pushed his fingers in his hair, pulling and pulling and nails digging into his scalp, trying to dig for a semblance of a memory. Anything, if only a glimpse to prove he didn’t blink and appear in his office the next day and nothing of consequence happened.

Something happened, otherwise, why wouldn’t he recall?

A knock at the door followed by two knocks. Enthusiastic and quick, almost following a rhythm. Zarc dropped his hands from his hair and slowly rose to his feet. It couldn’t have been a student; it was too early in the morning for that sort. And he hadn’t any meetings on his calendar – at least none that he remembered making. The knocking was incessant, he had no choice but to answer.

And upon opening the door, he regretted that choice.

There were many things Zarc had come to regret, many paths he had taken in his life that if he had the chance to redo, he would. His first sin, his grave sins but above all, it was opening the door to see Ray Akaba cheerful and holding a cup of coffee. A deep aroma that ensnared his nostrils should delight him. Alas, seeing Ray Akaba caused a different sort of delight… and shame, a _deep_ shame.

Her confession echoing in his mind as she held out the cup for him. “Good morning, Father! Sorry about being late but I figured a cup of coffee was a good way to start off the morning.” She nudged her way in, word by word he found that he still stood by the door and she already made her way around him and setting his cup down on his desk. Ray was bright and cheery, her red, plaid uniform perfectly neat and hair dolled up in pigtails – there was a pep in her step that he didn’t see the other night. He was glad to see her as her usual self, but…

“Excuse me, but why are you here?”

Oh no, did he tell her to come here?

Why would he do anything that foolish? How reckless indeed. But surely there was more than just reckless advice that earned a forgetful night.

Ray placed her hands behind her back, and he assumed she fiddled with them in a nervous manner by the way her legs squirmed. He gulped nervously – trying to keep his thoughts innocent. They were alone and she stood there in a tantalizing manner, biting her lip shyly and barely making eye contact with him. “I um… it’s what teacher’s aides do. Fetch coffee in the morning and grade papers and whatnot.”

_Teacher’s aide?_

He never asked for one… and if he did, Ray wouldn’t be a choice he’d ask for. Not consciously. Perhaps in his dreams where there would be no consequences to a gentle touch and shared words. “And you’re mine?” Her smile rivaled the sun upon hearing that – and he wanted his tongue cut off for speaking it. Zarc watched her walk to the other side of his desk and sit on his chair. She looked so small there, but so at home. So natural for her to be in his environment. He shut the door and leaned against it. “Who decided that?”

Ray was playing around with the red pen he’d abandon next to the pile of papers, twirling it around her fingers. “Well… if I tell you, do you promise not to be sore about it?” She paused, awaiting his answer which was to drag a spare chair and pull it up on the other side of the desk to sit at eye level with her. For the life of her, she could not sit still in that chair, her hands disappeared from his view. He was certain she shoved them between her squirming thighs. Zarc took a deep breath, his shoulders straight and hands gripping on his knees as he nodded, awaiting her story. “So… I went to confession yesterday.”

That he was aware of.

“And um… I talked about the stuff we talked about, except like, in detail.”

He was _well_ aware.

Perhaps not of the details, but what she hid. He wished for details now, what she said exactly, what he said to her.

“Needless to say, I feel loads better. I must’ve looked such a mess the other night. No offense, but I really couldn’t say anything of this problem to you, Father. Not that I don’t trust you or anything, there’s no one I respect more than… than you.” Her cheeks reddened and she licked her lips, suddenly biting her bottom lip in a nervous habit. His throat was suddenly dry – coffee sounded like a good idea. Maybe if he held the cup to his mouth, he couldn’t say anything that’d make her run away from his sight. And maybe he’d wake up enough to tell himself not to imagine what little tongue of hers could do… what else he’d like to see her lick.

The coffee could’ve been more bitter.

“He said for penance, I should be your TA.”

Past him was a sinful bastard and impulsive to boot, driven away from God’s light by a tempestuous heart and a pretty smile – how could anyone suggest that!

_You suggested that._

**_And who could blame you?_ **

Ray held her hand out for him. “I’m yours till you tire of me, so… please take care of me, Father.”

She hadn’t realized it was him. If she had, no penance on earth would make her sit across from him. He would’ve awoken to a notice of transfer on his desk. She’d never make eye contact with him again. Zarc would be forced to relive that horrible night where she pushed him away every day for the rest of her school days. But that did not happen. No, instead she was here and glowing and he knew her shameful dirty secret that kept her up at night.

That hand… she held it between her thighs, and he wondered if it was the same one that held onto the dirty picture. He shouldn’t report her for that, he’d be lenient. She confessed after all, and she was repentant. So long as she came to him again… and now she would. “The most gracious of care, my child.” He shook her hand with his free one and noted how hot her skin was.

A quick exhale escaped her – a memory of her gasping in a state at the confessional and his hand tight-fisted at his groin as he choked at the growing heat of lust around them. A suffocating yet familiar haze that threatened to spread from the heat of her hand upon his. He knew what hid behind that smile of hers, her shameful feelings. Did she think he’d pull her across the desk and kiss her, caress her hair? Throw her on the ground and tear that little uniform of hers off to find a willing body and open legs?

An encroaching thought shadowed in his mind – maybe a memory from how vivid he could feel the heat on his hand from his cock, the pleasure that entranced his body and how suffocating his robe was. The rush of orgasm hazing in his mind and running along his hand… this hand… that she held…!

He released her hand and saw how promptly she placed it back between her thighs, how she bit her lip and fidgeted once more. Zarc exhaled deeply, placing his hands back on his knees in a firm grasp. He did something in the confessional. No, worse than something – he touched himself while she stood on the other side of a thin wooden wall, listening to him pant and drown in sweat and heat. And she stayed. And she was here.

Was she unaware?

She had to be.

_Ray is a bright girl…_

**_And naïve, so naïve and pure._ **

The purest of souls were the easiest to corrupt and he knew this well. But of the two, who committed the greater sin and possessed a more blackened soul? He cleared his throat loudly. “First things first, my child, I believe we should lay some ground rules down between us, so we don’t overstep any boundaries as my student.”

The beginnings of a dull ache in his temple festered as he saw her smile drop and her shoulders squared up immediately. Any relaxed atmosphere Ray had, he destroyed within seconds. His words were poorly chosen, and he could see remnants of fear – a panic grew as he imagined her running away from him again, this time her pushing the coffee onto his lap.

“Overste-”

“Well, we’ll naturally become friendly. But it’s important that you maintain respect for me, as your teacher, as a priest – your confessor, a moral guide for you. Surely, my brightest student can understand that.”

 ** _Good save._** A buried voice praised his quick thinking and indeed it was. The gears in her mind were quick to turn in his favor and saw how any suspicion quickly died. There was no one she respected more than him, that’s what she said. And there were no other men in her thoughts but him… he wished to keep that.

“I’d rather you come to me for all your problems, Ray. You worried me quite a lot the other night and I… I don’t like feeling so helpless, so please – come to me and only me for any problems.” Her trust in another priest, one who could not expose her secrets under a holy rite, was duplicitous as it was dangerous. If another were to know her feelings, he surely wouldn’t see her again. A day without her smile, her radiant eyes – he’d rather bury himself alive in a pit that suffer such a loss.

And yet, she did not seem to share the same enthusiasm. There was hesitation in her bright eyes and her lips parted; a sight that required all his attention. “So, you’re… you’re not mad at me for that?”

Zarc leaned in closer to her, crossing his arms on the desk and scooting aside the papers till they nearly fell – all in an endeavor to be closer to her. “Never.” How could he be mad? “Is there anything you wish to clear up before I assign you tasks?

Ray reached over, her fingers tapping on his wrist and he nearly flinched away. She was so brazen, so bold! The lingering sensation of her nails dragging across his skin – he picked up the coffee again, if just to hold on to something, to his sanity perhaps. “Where’s your rosary?”

“… I lost it the other night.”

He’d look for it later.

“Was it valuable? I swear I’ve never seen you without it.”

“Just sentimental.”

It was given to him on his first day of vows – when he donned his priestly robes and swore to dedicate his life to saving the souls of others so they would not reach the same damned fate he did. Or commit such grave sins as he. Even without the rosary, he could conquer any such temptations and keep a watchful eye on Ray. Zarc was allowed one vice, surely one.

**_Are you satisfied with one?_ **

He wasn’t, but he needed to be.

\---

Ray was always a sweet girl. Sweet and sociable and beautiful and a shining light for the other students to follow and praise. And Zarc admired that about her; how could he not with the constant notice of her? The constant reminder that no matter if he were in his office, in his class, taking a stroll… there she was, in his line of sight, in his thoughts. Her teeth sunk into his heart and her nails dug into his soul and he was almost ready to surrender. Always on the verge and yet pushed back to his senses because he sadly came to realize as he watched her more, he was not the only one.

Zarc knew he wasn’t the only one interested in Ray, but it was a truth he’d avoided until now. The many times another boy would come up to her and ask for help, only for his eyes to be trailing her body while hers were on his paper, for him to overhear students gossiping about her – to see them make vulgar gestures toward her. God was testing him – getting to a point where his thoughts assumed another teacher set his sights on her.

No, surely not.

**_Well, you do._ **

His eyes surveyed the class and they immediately fell upon Ray. It was instinctual now. He always looked for her wherever he went, and his heart immediately calmed. Their eyes met for a moment during the quiet study that took hold of the students around them. But in that quick instant, Ray averted her gaze and her cheeks went ablaze; there was a vain attempt to hide her face with her pigtails. It was obvious now that he watched what her feelings were, and he was ashamed for not having noticed sooner.

**_You notice now… do something about it._ **

He took a deep breath and went to clutch onto his wrist, finding it empty once more. A ghost feeling haunted him, the wood no longer dug into his skin but there was a different mark. Beyond his skin and penetrating his senses, his thoughts, his blood – a thirst he was meant to control and a sensation that burned him. With each day passing, the urge was harder to ignore.

So instead, he focused on Ray – his one bright spot. But to his dismay… **_She keeps that embarrassed look in public, who knows what she thinks when she looks at you?_**

Zarc knew what she thought. It was what he thought. They were the same thoughts. But hers were more innocent, naïve he was certain of. His were less. They were experienced.

**_And her hands are always diving under that desk, she likes having them so close._ **

He placed his head in his hands and stared down at his desk. To his students, if any were to look up from their studies, he looked deep in thought and nothing out of the ordinary. But they would not see his nostrils flare, his jaw tight as his body stiffened in ways he did not want. It was worse now because of all the students, he knew Ray looked at him. And what her thoughts were. Each day that passed, bit by bit, her confession was less of a fog and his actions became clearer. Even now, he shuddered to think of it. Of the vulgar way he spoke, of how… she agreed…

**_She must be so inexperienced in her fantasies, can’t even pleasure herself, surely your guiding hand is needed._ **

His head hit the desk.

“Father Zarc!”

An uproar swept across the classroom as multiple worried voices called out for him. But sadly, he only heard one. The sweet and delicate voice of an angel in a choir of miscreants. Zarc lifted his head and knew there were concerned faces and shocked eyes all around him, expressing their worry but he only had eyes for the girl in front of him. Her worry was genuine, and her hands were reaching out for his.

**_Go on, help her._ **

He stood up abruptly before their hands could touch and he nearly hit the wall. His forehead was red from the hard smack but Zarc only felt the dull ache growing deep in his skull, worse than any accident. “I’m fine, take your seats.”

The students mumbled and were clearly still worried but did as they were told. Except for Ray, who stayed standing and tense before him. She was much too good, that he knew.

“Hey Ray!” A rude shock followed by a crumbled-up paper hitting the back of her head caused her to turn from him. The rude shock was another student who held too much of a cocky smile as Ray picked up the paper and went back to her seat, uncrumpling it in her hands. Her face had reddened and this time, she did not look up at him but at the boy instead before burying her head in a book.

**_Oh? Perhaps… your hand is not her guide._ **

No, she promised him that morning that she would trust him with any and all problems. If she had feelings for a student, she’d come to him for advice. And he’d steer her right. That boy wasn’t right for her, none of them were. They were all sinful sorry creatures who would only diminish her purity, sought to corrupt her. While he…

 _They’re not worthy of her._ The only prevailing thought and he knew it to be true, there were no echoes or doubts in him. But of her and her wants and her wandering eye… she couldn’t be.

The bell rang and the students gathered their things and shuffled out of class, loud and happy and chatty. Ray was quick to file out while the boy who threw the note chased after her. Zarc narrowed his eyes, suspicion flooding him. She had been good to play the naïve role when other boys approached her; would she do so again now? He walked out of the class and searched the hall and found Ray and the boy in his sight.

He had her trapped against a wall, posturing over her and she twirled loose strands of her red hair around her finger – no doubt the boy’s eyes were too focused on her shy demeanor. It was hard to hear what they were saying, none of the surrounding students were quiet and moving in closer wouldn’t serve well in his favor without giving himself away. But the boy acted much too familiar with her. And she looked trapped.

Ray was nodding; why was she nodding?

Laughing now, annoying giggling – uncomfortable to his ears and surely to hers. It was forced, it had to be. Her laughs were always loud until she realized her volume and blushed, hiding behind a smile. This was… a disturbed sight, probably annoying.

Trust was a fragile concept; it only ever took one wrong small crack to break the entire structure. But she was good. This encounter was entirely one-sided, and, in a moment, he’d come and offer her solace for enduring against temptation. “I’ll think about it.” That’s all Zarc could make out throughout their entire conversation – all she said and it was a good response, though he hoped for her to directly turn him down. But then the boy leaned down and kissed her cheek. She didn’t stop that boy or push him away or yell at him. Merely stood there, dumbfounded as the boy leaned in again, whispering something to her ear.

He wanted to be calm but his ties to sanity were slipping and this was another loose thread scattered to the wind. Zarc strolled over, not bothering to pause as he took hold of Ray’s forearm and pulled her away from the student. The boy was bewildered, and Ray didn’t get a moment to react – rather, he avoided her reaction, whether she was relieved or reluctant as he dragged her down the hall. Other students looked away, only recognizing the expression of an angry priest and an apologetic student and knew a scolding was in order and they didn’t wish to be in the way.

Zarc pushed her into his office and she bumped into a chair, her bag falling from her shoulder and she winced from the sudden impact. But it escaped his notice as he shut the door and pressed his forehead against it. A struggle to not just simply bang his head on it multiple times. He shut his eyes, struggling to collect himself and steady his breathing. There was a fog in his mind, the start of a damning headache, the trappings of committing an act he would very soon regret.

The hell was he supposed to do now?

His jaw tensed and his fingers shook as he balled them up to a fist; he was a cursed man, and this was his own personal hell. To be so close to her and yet unable to stop as she slipped through his fingers. He sighed and opened his eyes, there was never a right moment. “Ray, now listen to me-” Zarc turned around and the words he thought to say were immediately forgotten as Ray rushed into his arms and he was slammed against the door.

She was shaking and her face buried into his shoulder to hide her tears and silent sobs. Unlike before, he understood what she said. “Thank you, Father…!”

_Thank you…? She’s… grateful?_

He wanted to yell at her, that was his solution. To heavily discourage her from accepting these mediocre boys who would only use and abuse her and cared nothing for her well-being. But she beat him to it. All his words died in his throat.

**_Comfort her. She is so small and naïve. Such a fragile girl…_ **

He didn’t want to cave so easily. He should be mad at her. But alas… he was but a man, a weak man at that. And the anger that burned his blood soothed over with a balm of Ray Akaba. How her body was pressed against his, how she trapped him.

Was she deliberate? No, surely, she was naïve. She… she only wanted comfort. Yes, he said he would give her that. He would be her guide. Perhaps she didn’t know how to reject the boy and gave such a vague answer to be polite.

“There, there, my child.” His words were soft. Zarc barely felt his body move as he wrapped his arms around her. He was certain, she gasped but did not make a move away from him. Just as well she couldn’t see his expression, the struggle between relief and desire. His hand reached up, caressing her hair as his other hand rubbed calm circles on her back. “You’re safe here.” He’d keep her safe.

“He’s always so pushy… I thought he’d do worse.” She sniffled and her cheek rubbed against him briefly. His thumb toyed with her bra strap – with the slightest of pressure, it’d come undone. “Father… can I stay here for my next class?”

“Hm, that’s not recommended.”

“I know, but…” His thumb teased her bra strap and she pressed against him, her body still shaking. The actions of the innocent and untouched. “He’s in my next class and I’d rather unwind.” Ray lifted her head and Zarc realized how close their faces were. Her face burned, spreading from her ears down to the collarbone and the tears in her eyes did not lessen. But she did not recoil from him, no matter how her heart hammered. “Can… you stay too?”

He couldn’t breathe. “Me?”

She nodded and fidgeted again. His own body burned but not in the way hers had. “Please, Father Zarc… don’t leave.”

Her eyes glanced down to his parted lips and he stared as there was no other choice; watched her chest rose with anticipation, how her eyes fluttered closed, and how her sickly-sweet vanilla scented lotion flooded his senses as her hands reached up to his face.

His breathing quickened, as did hers. She stood up to her tiptoes, he leaned down.

He could stop her, he knew that. She knew that too. The problem was neither of them wanted to, or rather, could stop. An unstoppable force met an immovable object in their desires and frustrations as their lips met in a kiss. Hesitation and fear made her lips tremble against his, a beginner’s touch. Zarc felt her pull away as though realizing what she was doing. But he was resolved. Zarc had to… to _soothe,_ to **_comfort_** her and he shan’t be remiss in his duties. His hands were tighter in her hair and around her waist, his kiss deepening.

Ray gasped, her inexperience was obvious in how her lips moved but _oh_ , she was in such bliss. His hands were harsh upon her, held her so tightly she thought to burst in his arms. She felt she would melt in a puddle from the heat that roamed her body and pooled itself in her abdomen with a discomfort. The urge to tear the priestly robes from his body and sink her nails and kiss the man beneath them threatened her greatly. Even resisting that was impossible; Ray broke the kiss briefly and moaned against his mouth at his coarse hands moving up her skirt and squeezing what he could. “F-Father!” Her thighs squirmed against his leg and he pulled her in again, her hands holding just as tightly to him.

**_See how she begs._ **

_She’s mine._

**_Ours._ **

Her soft hand in his hair, nails racking down his scalp to his neck and further down – pulling at his priest attire, toying with the buttons beneath her fumbling shaky fingers. His leg moved and rubbed between her thighs and he smiled, pulling away from her lips. Her pout was childish, a frustration he enjoyed seeing upon her face. Her parted and red lips were pleading for him again. “Do you have something to confess, Ray?” Zarc moved his thigh slowly and saw how she nearly collapsed on his chest, overcome by pleasures her body hardly experienced and the wet spot that surely formed on his pants.

Was she willing to say what she wanted when her body spoke a much more direct way than she ever could? She shook her head, shame flooding her – not so much that she was willing to run away from his touch, his gaze, his overwhelming and gracious presence.

“Now, now Ray - you promised not to hide anything from me. Doesn’t this count?” He liked toying with her like this, teasing her and seeing more of her frustrations come about. Was this part of her fantasy that she held precious when she laid in her bed? Or when she sat across from him in this office – even in class as he lectured? He wanted to hear it all.

**_Isn’t it nice to let go…?_ **

So nice… a weight lifted off him. After all, he was merely comforting her. It was his job – no, his solemn duty to soothe her body and soul. He leaned in to kiss her again, this time she appeared more desperate and her hands clung to his shirt.

But of course, all good things came with such a price and this blessing was a different one in disguise. Whether it was welcomed remained to be answered. Out of the corner of his eye, Zarc noticed her fallen bag and wouldn’t have cared if her items were in a disarray but there was one… one caught his eye. An old wooden rosary falling out of a notebook and his nostrils flared.

_That rosary!_

The ghost feeling of the wood digging into his wrist returned, the pain of the cross sinking into his palm where it had been etched for many days. The one thing that kept him sane, his thoughts subdued… was in her possession. And her first day in this office, she’d asked about it. Ray knew that was his. And worse, she knew from that day… it was he who took her confession, that every action she had was purposeful. She hid this from him. _She_ did this to him.

He gripped her shoulders tightly, _harshly_ , and pushed her away from him. His body screeching for her warmth, her body tense from the sudden cold. Her fingers nervously combed one of her pigtails and chewed on her bottom lip, her thighs squirmed and rubbed together. She still looked at him with playful eyes and begging lips – asking for him to come forward. “Do you still wish for me to confess… Father?”

And her voice was sweetness itself. But that sweetness had soured as it reached him. He stood up straight and no longer leaned against the door, his eyes boring into her as his hand reached behind and locked the door. The sudden click in the silent room echoed and it was the first that Ray could see there was no game at play. Not with the sudden chill his body fraught or the wall he built between them.

Many hours after classes they were in this same office together, talking and laughing and exchanging glances and not once had he ever locked the door. Nor looked at her with eyes that scorched her. Ray gulped and dropped her hands, her nervous whimsy turning to anxiety. She backed up slowly. It wasn’t the first time she tried to distance herself from him. “I-Is something wrong, Father?” Her tone was worried, and her eyes were wide – she feared him and lost on what to do, only frozen in place and yet shaking.

He tried to get his breathing under control, tried to keep his thoughts in order. But there were everywhere. A pendulum swung within his mind between _scolding_ Ray for her behavior, for daring to hide things from him, to punish her greatly and **_comfort_** Ray as she was on the verge of tears and shaking, wanting her to only feel safe and in his arms. “Is that my rosary?”

His tone was curt, straight to the point. Ray gulped, eyes shifting around. That somehow was all the answer he needed before he took another step toward her. She licked her lips, brushing her hair behind her ears. An attempt to keep that innocent charade up, a vain attempt. “No, no… it’s um, it’s mine.”

“Yours?”

“Yes, well – no, I mean, technically yes.” She took another step back, farther and farther away from him, but he matched her, closing the gap between them. Her heel hit the desk and she nearly fell over. “I mean, I found it, in the confessional. It was dirty and I cleaned it and I meant to retur-”

“You lie!” In a mere blink of an eye, Zarc had been across the office – a safe distance for that wall between them to in front of her, pushing her down on her back. The objects on his desk either pressed into her back or had been pushed off in a loud clatter on the carpet beneath their feet. The sudden frost was worse so close, to see his anger replace that playfulness and reluctance – that desire warped into something else, something she did not recognize or seen before. “Am I not your confessor, Ray? Did I not say to _never_ lie to me?”

He said to never lie, that he hated feeling helpless. And he was like this because of her and she had lied… it was her fault, all of this, his desires and acting upon them… why should he comfort her? His thoughts were nowhere near that. “I’m sorry, _please_ Father, I-”

His hands fisted into her skirt and she tried to push them away, to no avail. Not with her fading strength and the growing wetness between her legs. The blush on her cheeks worsened as his hand dove under skirt and groped her, the wetness of her underwear against his palm. “You’re not sorry _yet_ , you’ll be punished before receiving forgiveness.” He was right to be angered.

These thoughts occurred because of her. Had she just returned his rosary – he would not be thinking further of her. Nor acting like this. He would not be pushing her underwear aside and pushing two fingers inside of her, thrusting with little abandon. Ray cried as the battle between discomfort and pleasure waged within her, the heat of the room choking her, and the proximity of their bodies overwhelmed her.

She begged him, pleaded as she raised her hands to try and reach him. To caress his cheeks and hair and return him to the gentleness and playfulness of moments ago. “Please, I wa-” But he would not have it nor listen. Zarc pushed her hands away – he did not seek that comforting touch.

Her thighs shook and his touch was not gentle; but even then, her body still ached for him. “Be a good girl, Ray, I told you to be.” Her breathing hastened as she tried to hold on to the edge of the desk above her head. A battle to keep her legs open, the discomfort and coiling of a knot inside her. He removed his fingers and moved them to remove her underwear, feeling the dampness more acutely to the cold air.

Ray winced as there was nothing between his hand and her now, nothing to stop his fingers again and his thumb from- “ _Ohh_!!” A shock, painful or otherwise she did not know. The image of his hands between her legs was something she’d thought of, but she never knew what to make of it. She didn’t know her body would rise, feel like she was ready to erupt from the inside out, that a fire spread through her and it was a pain she sought with both hands.

Zarc leaned down, his forehead pressed against hers. His clothes stuck to him with uncomfortable sweat and so did hers, he was sure. It was uncomfortable, stifling, hot – what he’d give to divest them of their clothes and sink into her.

**_You still could._ **

No, this was punishment. He wouldn’t – _shouldn’t_ derive pleasure from this. No matter how tempting it was now to kiss her, to let her moans become lost within him. Instead he watched her succumb to her orgasm, feel her hands reach up and dig her fingers into their forearms, their breaths mingled as she tried – she tried desperately to cling to him, to his fingers, to kiss him.

But he allowed her none of that and immediately removed himself from her. He stood away from her and had he been less… overcome with anger, guilt, a deep _shame_ , he’d marvel at the perfection splayed out on his desk and how easily he could have her again. How she would never refuse him, not now. Not when they both… had these treacherous and shameful thoughts. “In the name of the Father, the Son…” He raised his hand, performing the sign of the cross and turned away from her.

He made his way to her fallen bag and bent down to his knees, taking the wooden rosary and wrapping it again around his wrist. There was no warmth, no guiding light, no sanctuary from God’s grace. There was only smug laughter echoing in his mind and an erection to remind him of his thoughts.

**_What’s done is done, you’ll never be rid of me._ **

“F-Father…?” He heard the shuffling of papers, more things tossed to the carpet and her pained moans as she attempted to sit up. “I-”

“After today,” he spoke up, his fingers toying with the cross on his wrist, “I have no need of an aide. Don’t come back to my office, Ray. That is your penance for lying to me.” And his own punishment for what he did to her, to himself.


	3. Chapter 3

Ray didn’t have a roommate anymore. She assumed the girl was either expelled or she switched to another room, maybe her parents transferred her from sheer embarrassment. But the silence gave her time to reflect and listen to slow ticking of the clock in these late hours. For many nights now, that was her life – to be left alone with her anxious thoughts and haunting memories of his guiding hand.

Whenever Ray closed her eyes, she always found herself on her hands and knees and his familiar coarse hands ripping her clothes and groping her body. Her moans echoed around her while his grunts were only whispered in her ear. It was always so much to endure, overwhelmingly and yet she found herself begging and pushing her body back to meet his. The dream would end right as she felt a hardness rubbing against her, ready to enter her. And then Ray awoke in a panic, her pajamas sticking to her wet skin and her skin uncomfortably hot. It wasn’t a memory, but it was far too vivid to be a mere dream or fantasy. Somewhere between the realm of dreams and reality, she was tormented. God was punishing her for her desires, that must’ve been it.

She sat up on her bed and folded her hands together, lowering her head. She always had a clear mind as she mumbled her humbled prayers, never was confused on what to pray for. What to seek console for. But Ray found herself in a conundrum of sorts. Was she to ask forgiveness of her attachments to Father Zarc or guidance on how to get back in his good graces? The answer was not clear, nothing but a haze clouding her thoughts. Their last encounter replayed constantly in her mind, wondering what she could’ve done differently.

He abandoned her after that day. She was transferred to a different class and turned away from his office – he had promised his door to always be open for her, to be her guide and confessor. Only for it to be ripped away from her in one fell swoop. But there was no forgiveness for hiding anything from him.

Ray grabbed her pillow and hugged it tight and got up from her bed. This room, she decided, was dangerous, or maybe it was just sleeping in general. How could she sleep when merely closing her eyes resulted in vivid memories or fantasies or hallucinations, whatever they were. God only meant to torture her, and she realized that lying awake. Ray took it upon herself to leave her room and venture down the halls armed with her pillow and dressed in her pajamas.

The air was much too cold, and the school had a different, somewhat haunting chill at night. As did the cathedral. But the candles lit brightly at the altar, the glow of the sanctuary, and the eyes of the saints and the Virgin Mother gazed lovingly at her. She was not alone. Straight ahead of her, a man sat on his knees lost in prayer. His voice nothing but soft whispers that could not reach her down the nave. He hadn’t noticed her. _Father Zarc…_

She was right to leave her room, and this was proof. This sleepless night would be her last. Tonight, she could approach him and talk to him and maybe even have him look at her with kindness once more. Every step of hers was an echo, a reminder that God was with her. That maybe she had not been abandoned, that she was not beyond forgiveness…

“Stop right there!”

Or maybe she was.

Zarc turned abruptly and his eyes were wide, with dark circles under his eyes. He was tired and upon seeing her, distressed. Ray’s entire body stiffened in fear; not from his disdain at seeing her but from the voice. Such a stern voice could only come from the nuns and she had the bad luck to run into one. Their first time together in what felt like eternity had been short-lived in the cruelest manner. Maybe God wasn’t on her side and trying to punish her further, now in a creative way.

“What are you doing out of bed? Explain yourself!”

She gulped. “I, um… I was just… um, gonna pray.”

In her pajamas? And holding a pillow? After curfew?

Her excuse did not match her attire or the hour – everything was inappropriate. She was in serious trouble and had no one to blame but herself. Her heart raced and she was ready to collapse into tears from sheer frustration alone. She opened her mouth to speak, to try and plead for what little mercy this nun held in her shriveled heart. “I-”

“Sister, please don’t fret.” That voice echoed throughout the walls and it was not the voice of God, but her savior, nonetheless. “She has my permission to be here.”

The nun huffed and Ray heard her approach, her steps harsh and menacing and each one echoing in her ear was another nail into her heart. “Father, it’s late. I cannot excuse such blatant rule-breaking.” Her body tensed, bracing herself to be dragged away by her ears and screaming back to her room.

“Ah but Sister,” he spoke again and when Ray lifted her head, she saw how he extended his hand toward her, inviting her to take it and be saved from the terror behind her, “I can never turn away a troubled soul. I’ll take responsibility for Miss Akaba tonight in all matters.”

Her body shook with relief… anticipation, unease, excitement – Ray could not pinpoint it nor identify what she felt as she heard the exasperated sigh of a tired nun whose footsteps headed off in the opposite direction before the doors shut. No sooner did his hand retreat and he turned away from her. The weight of the situation fully realized. She and Father Zarc were alone together and yet, they may as well have been oceans apart. The openness he displayed moments ago evaporated immediately. It was His will that he be cold toward her.

“… thank you, Father.”

But she still portrayed kindness and gratitude, even when he had none. For several moments Zarc didn’t say anything and she could not move. An awkward silence filled them and the walls surrounding them trembled as a thousand eyes waited for who would make the first move. Luckily for her, Father Zarc was a good man and quietly patted the spot next to him. She scurried over as fast as she could and plopped the pillow down before kneeling on it.

She noticed the rosary was wrapped around his wrist again. Was it possible to just ask about it or apologize again without being pushed away again? There couldn’t be a worse scenario. Ray took a deep breath, taking a moment to calm down before asking him. He took the first step and now it was her turn. “Speak an act of contrition.”

He was punishing her?!

“… you’re not serious.”

He didn’t look at her and instead, unwrapped the rosary that he deemed so precious to punish her over and placed it in her hands. “You’ll speak it ten times Ray, for not following curfew. Be grateful, the sister who caught you wouldn’t be as forgiving.”

Her body shook against her will – was that it? Was this really the extent of their relationship now? Would she no longer be able to be open toward him again, to trust him? Would this be the last time he looked after her in a loving capacity? Ray gulped, her fingers gently caressing the wooden cross. “… if it’s any consolation, Father, I am sorry. I didn’t know this meant so much to you. I just… I wanted to keep a part of you with me, that’s all. Please don’t hate me.” She gasped; her body trembling again as silent tears fell down her cheeks. But nevertheless, Ray folded her hands together, the beads digging into her palms as she mumbled the prayer.

Zarc exhaled deeply, listening to her hurried whispers. No matter how quiet she tried to be, he could hear the tremble in her voice. The way her lip quivered, and _oh_ , the tears streaming down her cheeks and dropping to the sacred ground. It hurt him to be so cruel to her, to be so far away. But he needed to – for leaning in to wipe away her tears, to touch her cheeks, to look into her eyes and see how needy she was… he’d be undone.

He held onto himself by the skin of his teeth. One thread left of his sanity and he’d hold onto it to remain in God’s presence, to be worthy as a guiding hand and deny himself her shining light. And to deny himself, he needed to be cruel.

And to be cruel, he needed her to think he hated her. But perhaps, he needed _her_ to hate him.

He gulped. “That rosary,” he spoke up above her whispered prayers and she stopped abruptly, turning her head and attention toward him, “it is special. It’s humble and simple – stripped of any refineries that would make anyone look again. After a while of holding it, you realize how much it digs into your skin and leaves a mark. It forever stays with you, whether you wish it or not.”

**_DO NOT-_ **

“That sounds sweet.”

“No, it’s a curse, Ray. You’d know that if you weren’t such a child.” Zarc was blunt and an immediate headache ensued. His hands trembled as he balled his fists tighter, his nails searing so deeply into his skin he was sure to bleed. He wanted that – anything to cool off the fire that awoken. “Do you even know what a curse feels like?”

**_wHy are you DOING this?_ **

_I’ll make her hate me; I’ll save her._

**_From me?_ **

_Us._

Ray dropped her hand and the wooden rosary clattered against the tile like a bomb shattering. There was that pesky wall again, brick by brick and becoming stronger. “Is it like dreaming of someone you can’t have? Who hates you because you lied to them? Of w-wanting them and feeling like you’ve done something wrong whenever you look at them? Is it like that, Father?”

“Ray, don’t-”

“I must’ve done something wrong. I’ve apologized and you’re still so mean to me. I pray over and over for answers, for forgiveness, for…” Her tears fell freely and without restraint. His heart raced, threatening to break and the headache would make him fall to his knees had he not already been there. “And I’m always thinking about you and I’m sorry! You hate me, that’s a curse enough! Why do you keep punishing me?!”

And now Ray sobbed as she reached her limit. Torture, absolute maddening torture. He knew every thought in her mind, they were the same as his. The same frustration but he could name his whereas this was new to her. For him, it was familiar and never-ending. **_Make her hate you. I’ll have her love me._**

But he too, had a limit. Sadly, that limit had long been reached. It started as a chuckle, something quiet and personal before erupting into an outburst, a laughter that filled the sanctuary and into the nave. A frightening laugh that didn’t sound correct.

“You want the **_truth,_** Ray? You wish to play my confessor? Very well.” His voice was not right. His eyes weren’t so kind. Perhaps it was the exhaustion that was evident on his face finally taking over but he didn’t sit right with her. But any thoughts of moving away were halted as he took hold of her hands and forced her to stand up with him, dragging her deeper and up toward the alter before he pushed her down and straddled her. Her breathing was in a panic and she had no choice but to look up at him and his wild eyes. The terror was different than that day in his office; rather than anger, it was desperation behind those golden eyes. “Take my confession and count my sins. I wanted a woman so deeply once; she carved her name into my heart – into my soul.” Zarc leaned down, his lips against her ear and his hot breath making her tingle and her body react with a nervous moan. “And I stupidly, _foolishly_ , **_shamelessly_** fucked her.”

“P-Plea-”

“Do you want details, Ray?” Zarc removed his hold on her, his hand wandering her body. “About where I touched her? How I did so?” His hand squeezed softy at her breast, earning a whine from Ray and a chuckle from him – he felt no bra. “How I made her mine **_over and over_**?” There was only a thin layer between his hand and her hardened nipples, only a simple swipe away from touching her again. He sat up slightly, hovering above her and facing her. “I was young and stupid and completely blind. I had such poor judgement and for that, I am cursed. That damned woman shattered my soul and replaced my heart with a demon. That’s why I became a priest, you know. To save what little of **_our-_** _my_ soul was left.”

There was so much to take in and Ray didn’t know which to process first. The fact that Father Zarc shared an intimate story on how he became a priest or the fierce rejection of a scorned love or the demon possessing his heart. Or maybe the way his thumb rubbed against her shirt and her back arched toward him, pleading for more. Ray shut her eyes tight, trying to convince herself this was another dream. That he wasn’t holding her down and angry, that her beloved priest wasn’t a cursed man.

Perhaps that was true.

She no longer felt his calloused hands holding her body and there was the warmth of his hands, his body on top of hers missing. She heard a sigh dripping with loneliness and opened her eyes. The sorrow in his eyes as he removed himself from her and she sat up abruptly, crossing her arms against her shivering chest. “And it worked for a while, until I met **_you_**.”

A revelation to shock her to her core and she didn’t even know what she did. Her eyes darted around nervously as she thought back. She was a pious girl, attentive and did what she was told. Ray was generous and sweet and forgiving – she thought she led a good and wholesome life, as far from sin as she could. Unless… she gasped. “Father, was it my confession? Did my… my feelings for you…?” It made her ill – did the demon want her? And if it did, then did Father Zarc ever care for her?

A somber smile and his hands shook. “You have the same hair drawn from hellfire and I was so eager to be burned again. But for you, it was innocent. At least at first. You’re a sweet girl and I thought… that was enough. If I didn’t… I didn’t do anything to you, a safe distance was enough. Just keeping you in my thoughts, being near you – as your _guide_ was enough. Or so I thought.”

Zarc raised a shaky hand to her and it was the faintest touch, the back of his fingers against her cheek. Her skin tingled and her lips parted – it was electrifying, an awakening and she could see it in his eyes too. The same longing and pull, the desperation for completion.

“Without that rosary, I lost myself. I was nothing more than a slave to his… _my_ feelings, my lust for you. And staying away from you helped me less than what I thought. Nothing more than a different level of torture. Maybe I was just lying to myself and maybe he knew that.”

She felt the loss of his touch and how his fingers lingered for a moment before leaving her completely. He sighed; his eyes shut. The distance was getting worse and Ray shook her head. “Nononono!” A desperation overcame her, and she lunged forward and grabbed his hand. Ensnaring his hand tightly between her hands. “You don’t have to leave me, it’s ok – it’s fine, please Father.”

“I am guilty of the sins of lust, fornication, blasphemy - I ask you, Ray. As my confessor, what am I to do? How will you punish me for my dalliance with demons and my… my desire toward you?”

To decide his entire fate – he placed it all in her hands. Ray gulped, scooting closer to him as she caressed his trembling hand. Or perhaps it was her trembling. It would be best to stay away from him and preserve herself for a man who was pure in virtue and lived a godly life and not throw it all away for a man who harbored a demon in his heart. Who said her hair was hellfire, who caressed her skin and made her feel alive.

Father Zarc had promised to be her guide so long as she never lied to him. He swore he would never get mad at her, meaning if she were to push him away… he’d walk away and smile. “Is it… the demon that desires me? Or you, Father Zarc?”

He exhaled sharply through his nose. “I… I don’t know. Both, I suppose. I can’t be without my heart. And he can’t be without my soul. We are the same.” The demon had told him before, he will never be rid of him.

She let go of his hand and he let it hang in the air, her touch lingering. The thundering anguish ransacked his body, another shattering of his mind and soul. A familiar haze setting over him. He was ready to accept her rejection, for her to finally push him away and cry in revulsion. But that demon… that demon fought him and that reality. Fought to break his mind and allow him control, to have her now under the watchful eyes of the saints and their savior.

“You’ll do as I say?”

“… _yes **.**_ ”

“No matter what?” She scooted closer and their knees touched. He barely processed that before she placed her hands on his chest and leaned forward, glancing down at his parted lips before looking into his shocked eyes. “You’ll accept it?”

Zarc straightened his shoulders and swallowed thickly. He didn’t trust himself to open his mouth to spew a promise, a desire he’d regret as it poisoned his body. Instead, he only nodded – the closest she could have to an approval. His thoughts were in a wreck, warring between keeping her and pushing her. So much of a struggle he was certain his mind was set to burst within moments.

But her nails gently scratched at his chest and the way she bit her bottom lip suggested new thoughts to him – thoughts of blasphemy and acts so vile within these walls. She was sweet and innocent, and he wanted to keep her that way. Even if the act was so painful.

“Then,” Ray began, and he noticed how her fingers toyed with the buttons on his chest. She was a cruel child. That thought he could not contest and no part of him thought she acted without reason. “I ask that… you accept this as God’s plan for you, and me. This must be His way to saying we’re supposed to be, um… together. He does work in mysterious ways, isn’t that right, Father?” She undid the first button of his attire and that was surely enough to snap his last thread of sanity he held so dear and for his mind to calm. To unify into one succinct thought.

Ray wanted _him_. She wanted **_him_**. And no part of her was pushing him away but rather, she adjusted herself to come closer to him. Her expression was the very portrait of innocence, no matter how she tried to shed it. The discomfort of the unknown was too clear. But not fear or disgust, that was nowhere. The once cloudy haze that filled his sight and mind now calmed to an intensity, a passion that he could not deny. And the oddest part was… he no longer wished to fight it. Not when she was so willing. Why fight when he felt such peace?

Zarc bridged the gap between them, his mouth moving roughly against hers and pushing back until they laid down. Ray was once more on her back and Zarc on top of her, but it felt differently. There wasn’t a terror crushing her bones as his hands reached under her shirt to touch her naked breasts, he didn’t hold her back or stop her hands from pulling at the buttons – desperate to remove his clothes and feel him as he did her. Zarc broke away from their kiss and she whined, staring at him. He sat up and smirked, undoing the rest of the buttons of his cassock before outright removing it. “If this is **_God’s_** will, then who am I to fight and further blaspheme?”

Her mind went blank, her only thoughts of removing her clothes. His clothes. To be as close as humanly possible. The feel of his naked flesh against hers made her jump; uncomfortable and terrifying but he held her tightly to him. His lips comforting her, whispering how good she was. How sweet, divine even. He traveled down her body, mouth and teeth and tongue teasing what he could. Suckling on her collarbone, her breasts, her nipples – her body felt set to burst under him and she could only pull him closer, to tug at his silver hair, to sink her nails into his back. She wanted to touch him, to please him… he did so well for her. But her trembling hands failed her.

His mind raced, thoughts of blaspheming at the altar to fuck his student were prevalent and an urge to stop. But the stronger urge, the more convincing was listening to her cries – her innocent moans. Zarc enjoyed watching her own confliction – her own urge to touch and please but not know how to. He’d almost call her cute with how her entire body flushed a pale pink.

 ** _Adorable_** , the thought crossed him. Ray whined as he raised her right leg up and hoisted it over his shoulder, biting at her leg. She nearly screamed, his fingers inching up closer to the apex and there it was, the instinct to scoot away from his touch. Her grasp at shame. But he held her firm.

She could feel all the shame she wanted, but **_after_** he was done. “Are you embarrassed?” She nodded as the tears were evident in her eyes. Oh, he hadn’t shown her reason to be embarrassed yet. He’d give her such.

“Please, Father, just-”

“Oh no, my child.” Zarc grinned, his fingers tracing the lines of her groin and watched how she twitched with delight and her body dripped of wetness. “You must first beg for _my touch_ , Ray.” Teasing her was a pleasure all its own, watching her hips fumble as she tried to buck toward him. Inexperience and unknowing but so eager.

Ray nodded. “T-Tou-”

“Louder.”

His hands were hot, and she cried. It was shameful enough to dream of this, to fantasize of what his touch would like, what his lips and fingers could do to her body. But for reality to surface, for his hands to really touch her, for his hot breath to be on her – it was mortifying… but the thrill was well worth it. “Touch me!”

His smile was enough for her. His relieved smile overcame the tired expression he first saw her with – the exasperation was gone. All that was left was a tenderness in his eyes as his fingers softly traced her labia. The soft touch made her jump. But he held her close by clutching tighter to her leg, she could not run away. Her breathing hastened, her hands desperate to clutch onto something, anything as he continued his teasing strokes, even rubbing at the apex – her moans echoed.

“Beg for my love.”

“Love me, love me, _please…_ fuck me.”

She knew what he was saying, and he knew what she wanted, neither were patient. But Ray felt that twinge of regret when he grabbed her other leg and hoisted them up onto his hips – her legs open for him, her body twitching and begging for him. Could she tell him to slow down? That she was still… frightened? She couldn’t open her mouth, not when his determined eyes locked with hers.

The fear in her bright eyes was evident as he undid his belt. She gulped – this was what she heard that day in the confessional. The clinking of a belt ringing in her ears, a zipper being undone and -!

A simultaneous dose of fear and excitement as she saw his cock. His hands quickly grabbed onto her hips; Ray didn’t realize she had been trying to move away or that she was shaking her head profusely… starting to whimper.

Zarc’s hands grasped at her thighs, making comforting circles as he leaned down and whispered against her lips. “ _It’s alright_.” He repeated as a mantra, his hot breath mingling with hers as his cock rubbed against her entrance. She cried; it was all so overwhelming. But her hips still moved, trying to match his movements. She gasped when he moaned against her, kissing her so suddenly.

A frantic reminder that he felt that same desperate, the same fear as her. That before the eyes of the saints and the blessed virgin and their savior, he would tie his body and what was left of his soul to her. That he was hers.

He kept kissing her, even as the rubbing accelerated, intensified and she could barely breath. The heat of their bodies was torment and only he could alleviate her. His hand linked with hers and he pulled back, hissing. The wooden rosary was still in her hand, it burned him… his eyes widened at the rejection of the sacred object. That never happened before. The oneness in his mind had never happened before either.

Ray bit her lip, staring down at it. It… her last line of defense against Father Zarc, against the demon. Her hand shook but she tossed it aside and her hands reached forward, cupping his cheeks.

“It’s alright…” Her smile was soft, and so nervous. Her thumb caressed his cheek; even with her trembling hands, she would comfort him. An odd turn of events, he realized.

He nodded; it was alright. She wanted him. She wouldn’t reject him, even for all his demons and faults. And being here, allowed to worship her… caress her, love her, was more than he could’ve hoped for. Zarc exhaled sharply and leaned down, his forehead pressed against hers as his cock pushed inside her.

Ray whimpered, her hands reaching up to his shoulders. It was unclear whether she sought to push him away or otherwise. An uncomfortable pressure split through her as he thrust inside her entirely and she cried out. Her arms shook, pulling him close and her nails sank into his skin.

 ** _Slowly_** _, slowly…_ his hips followed thus, a tortuous pace for him but for her – it was more than enough, nearly unbearable. The only comfort he could deliver was his kiss, something to soothe her and swallow her moans as his thrusts quickened.

A divine touch was not enough to describe this, not the way her body burned and unraveled with his touch. But now a different sensation of fire pumping through her blood. To cling to him tighter, to wrap her legs around him – she didn’t know what to do, was he… was he enjoying this as much?

His fingers dug into her thighs and she broke the kiss, crying out. There was no thought to slow down, she didn’t want to. He couldn’t, not as his hand went between where their bodied joined and rubbed at her clit. The hard bundle of nerves that made her scream, call his name.

He moaned against her ear, telling her how sweet she was. How good, how amazing – how she _belonged_ to him. His fingers, his body, his hot breath, his cock – everything of Zarc was overwhelming and the fire inside of her looked to consume her, a rising pressure coiling in her belly set to erupt.

Zarc clung to her tightly, his fingers digging into and bruising her flesh. He was so desperate to finish inside her, and she was desperate too – his was known, hers was unknown. Every hard thrust, every rough movement, she tried to match. Her worry was his pleasure, his worry was hers. But the pain in her eyes was gone, there was only joy. A love he’d never seen before, reserved for him and him alone.

“Father, I... I’m gonna…!”

“With me, Ray, _with_ me.”

A maddening coil tightening, straining until it burst inside her – _around_ her and made her crumble and cling to his body. His hands would leave bruises on her body, his teeth would mark her. Zarc held onto her hips and sat up, forcing her up with him. She shrieked from the sudden move, realizing then how tired she was and clung to him so desperately. His thrusts from this angle hit deeper and he could hardly keep himself together. He could only focus on her delirious expression and the innocence he stripped away.

“My Ray…” He whispered before kissing her, moaning into her mouth as he came. His wild thrusts slowing down as his hips shook, reason and sense was gone. The only thought left was the other, the need to be close. To stay like this. They stared at the other, the linger ecstasy still flowing through their bodies.

Ray could barely keep herself up and he chuckled, realizing she was bound to collapse. He pulled out of her and Ray whimpered, now allowed to rest on his lap and lean her head against his shoulder. “… am I forgiven, Ray?” He whispered against her hair before kissing the top of her head.

The thought of blushing was gone, shame and embarrassment… what were those concepts? Ray nodded, taking hold of his hand and lacing their fingers together. They consummated their passion at the altar, where couples pledged their love and devotion. Surely… surely God would forgive them for this. She’d think about that later, content now with closing her tired eyes and listening to his soothing heartbeat.

But the silence loomed over him.

_And now?_

**_What now indeed…_ **

The thought to do more to her, to push her down and eat her out – she’d crumble. She was in no position to refuse him and with how sensitive her body was; a discovery he was pleased to see from her quiet sobs when he gently stroked her thigh, she’d cling tighter to him. There was already a hellfire spreading through his body, but he needed to refrain. She was a virgin, and this was enough to make her nearly faint. Another session and God would smite them down.

He’d die a happy man regardless.

**_Die without tasting her again?_ **

A point to be made. After this, he didn’t want to deliver her back to the dorms. Not when he could… he could steal her away. From her family who would shelter her, from this school who would diminish her light, from the students who sought to corrupt her. Zarc could nourish and worship her; give her all she needs. After all, they had God’s blessing… His hands tightened around her, and she leaned into his shoulder; soft and delightful and perfect. This was perfect.

 ** _We’ll take her away… far away._** And Zarc had no qualms with that, agreeing with the dark thoughts in his mind. She was finally in his arms and he’d be damned to let her go. He was already cursed – what was the absence of God when Ray was his shining light. He picked her up, knowing the whispers and gossip to travel at dawn through the bells and inhabit every innocent ear.

The good Father Zarc and the young Ray Akaba vanished after a night of prayer in the cathedral, nowhere to be found, leaving no trace behind except for the charred remains of an old wooden rosary left at the altar.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and joining me on this descent into hell, more fun to sin together than alone ❤


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